Thinly Veiled

August 11, 2008 at 11:32 pm (Servicemen) (, , , , , , , , , , )

On a summer night, runnin’ all the red lights,

Don’t really tell the whole truth; it don’t show what’s deep inside.

I’ve done everything move on like I’m supposed to,

Your love is like a tidal wave,

Caught somewhere between a boy and man.

I’m still learning how to bend, how to let you in.

But I will never show the toll it’s taken.

Why weren’t we able, to see the signs that we missed?

Skin has gotten thicker but it burns the same.

There’s nothing like the warmth of the one who has put in the time.

I can’t outrun it, just keeps comin’…

                                           August 2008

 It burns when you touch it, you knew it was hot when you picked it up, and you went straight for it anyway, drawn to it.  The pain is sharp at first, then lingering to remind you of the danger.  Later, the scar serves as a more permanent symbol, but even that fades over time.  You know that it will be hot.  You know that it will burn.  And you go after it time and time again.  Why?  Because you hope that it will change.  Perhaps a pot on a hot stove will one day not burn your hand.

In my attempt to address what pains me tonight, I must liken it to a fresh burn, initially raw beneath the surface, but over time the new skin will emerge a little bit stronger, masking the scars that lie beneath.  Look closely, and it’s easy to see that it was there all along, feelings thinly veiled beneath a tough skin, but no match for a smoldering pot.

Who’s to say that I’m going to get burned?  Who’s to say that I’m going to pick up the pot?  I’m really close, though.

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In spite of

May 14, 2008 at 5:49 pm (Servicemen) (, , , , )

 

Wake on the shore of a distant land,

that is how I know you go on.

Don’t you worry about the distance,

ain’t doing her thang she used to do…

Back and forth and back and in between-

watch me prove you wrong today,

I don’t wanna be in love.

Oh, just watch me walk away.

December 2007

 

Evidently I’ve got a thing for military guys.  Something about brains and braun, I guess.  I was engaged to my high school sweetheart how joined the National Guard and then proposed marriage right before he left for an 18 month tour.  Don’t swoon just yet-it didn’t work out.  A couple years later I struck up a fling with a guy in Naval Intelligence, his home 1000 miles away.  Through emails, instant messaging, and text (with several phone calls and airplane tickets in between), we had a great go at it.  But 1000 miles and a promise ring is still too close for comfort and after a year I ran in the opposite direction.

 

Of course during the  down time were local guys, the doctor, the bodybuilder, and the coach.  Great men, but I follow a different definition of love: “Love is not because of, but in spite of.”   The reasons to stay in a relationship-the “because ofs”-are easy.  Of course I know WHY I like you, but what about the things that I don’t like-the ”in spite ofs.”  I usually can’t get over something about the guy, its these in spite ofs that I just can’t love.  So I don’t. 

 

I guess I thought that third time’s the charm because yet again, a Green Beret and a pseudo-relationship.  This one can still mess with my head a year later, with those texts and emails reminding me that he thinks of me often.  Thinks of me how, huh?  A great kiss, a fun date, or the one who’s always going to be hanging around?

 

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