In spite of
Wake on the shore of a distant land,
that is how I know you go on.
Don’t you worry about the distance,
ain’t doing her thang she used to do…
Back and forth and back and in between-
watch me prove you wrong today,
I don’t wanna be in love.
Oh, just watch me walk away.
December 2007
Evidently I’ve got a thing for military guys. Something about brains and braun, I guess. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart how joined the National Guard and then proposed marriage right before he left for an 18 month tour. Don’t swoon just yet-it didn’t work out. A couple years later I struck up a fling with a guy in Naval Intelligence, his home 1000 miles away. Through emails, instant messaging, and text (with several phone calls and airplane tickets in between), we had a great go at it. But 1000 miles and a promise ring is still too close for comfort and after a year I ran in the opposite direction.
Of course during the down time were local guys, the doctor, the bodybuilder, and the coach. Great men, but I follow a different definition of love: “Love is not because of, but in spite of.” The reasons to stay in a relationship-the “because ofs”-are easy. Of course I know WHY I like you, but what about the things that I don’t like-the ”in spite ofs.” I usually can’t get over something about the guy, its these in spite ofs that I just can’t love. So I don’t.
I guess I thought that third time’s the charm because yet again, a Green Beret and a pseudo-relationship. This one can still mess with my head a year later, with those texts and emails reminding me that he thinks of me often. Thinks of me how, huh? A great kiss, a fun date, or the one who’s always going to be hanging around?
